Adventures at a Home and Garden Show

Last weekend I went with a friend somewhere I've never been before. We went to a Home and Garden Show. Neither of us had ever been to one of these events before and had no idea what to expect. But it sounded fun, the name sounded GREAT and I figured there would be lots of ideas for your Home and Garden.......I know, my mind doesn't go very deep....So off we go.

After arriving we walked for a while with other people who looked fairly normal....family type people - garden type people - whatever that is..... OK, OK, they looked like us!! Normal!!! I figured this will be OK. We purchased our entrance tickets. In hindsight I find it interesting that we had to pay an entrance fee to be given the "opportunity" to spend money..... We really had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. I was actually hoping to see HGTV Network stars....

Upon paying our precious entrance fee we entered the very large stadium. Right in the doorway was a man working on a giant sand sculpture - very cool. Big room, lots of activity - what is this place? Then we saw it - THE VENDORS! Men and women of all shapes and sizes each were attending their own booth of specialized products for either home or garden - things like home owner's insurance, pots and pans, sheets, purses, solar panels, cabinetry, mops and cleaning items. You name it they were trying to sell it!! There were many booths we were totally uninterested in and would get caught in simply because I would make eye contact with the vendor and then get roped in. My friend wasn't making eye contact on purpose, but since she was with me, we both had to go......

We walked down the first aisle to discover a woman who does her own tatting - my friend loves to crochet and knit so she knew what tatting was - I, of course, didn't, but loved the work she did. Kind of like crocheting......kind of. Lovely lady with lovely things. I bought a beautiful tatted shawl - I don't wear shawls, but I hoped my daughters would.....It's still in a pile in their room. But it was worth every penny - the woman was lovely. So on we continued down the huge aisles browsing by each vendor's stand hoping not to get roped in.

Then it happened. We arrived at the booth for the sea salt products from Israel. My unfortunate husband got suckered into one of these booths in the mall one day and I received some sea salt scrub and lotion for my birthday a few years ago. I knew the product. The man selling all the many options of scrubs, etc. asked if he could put a solution on our skin that would get deep into our tissue and clean out layer by layer the toxins right down to our muscles! That's pretty deep, I figured. He started in on my friend. First gel then something else is applied with a Q-tip. He explained that we will see a lot of flaky snow-like stuff coming off our skin which is proof that we are very toxic and need his product. He doesn't say all that but that's what he means.....He rubbed, and rubbed and rubbed....then in shock said, "Wow, you hardly have any!! Most people have so much it looks like it's snowing!" Pleased with my friend, I wanted to see what my skin is like! "Do mine!" I quickly interjected! Same procedure for me - gel, Q-tip, something other cream, more talking, rubbing, rubbing, rubbing.....Finally he says, "You have even less than her!!" I am extremely pleased with myself and my friend - all that healthy eating and herbs have paid off.....We laughed with him about what we do in our spare time to which we joked with him about our sitting around all day and exfoliated our skin.....By this time my ego and my vanity was at an all time high. That's never good. I think he really wanted to make a sale but didn't need his toxin cleaning product so he tried another angle. "Could I put this serum on your face? It's for wrinkles and it's better than Botox because it's made from all natural ingredients and peptides - do you know what a peptide is?" The questions keep firing..... We are a little bewildered with the peptide question but eventually my brain clues in and I answer "yes" - only really knowing that there were such things as peptides but don't ask me what they do! Then he added another statement - "I won't mess up your make-up" Well, if that's the case, put anything on! Put hydrochloric acid on my face, how about fertilizer - no, better yet, put the REAL fertilizer on it - I don't care, just DON'T mess up my make up?? Honestly! What was I thinking!! To answer my own question we must all remember that my ego and vanity were at an all time high - lest we forget, I'm NOT as toxic as others. That's pretty exciting. So I allowed him to proceed. Once again gel - actually a serum - is patted around my left eye and then he goes to the indentation around the left side of my mouth. Gently patting, slowly patting. Feels like forever. After a small eternity he's done! His masterpiece! Out whips the mirror to show me his handiwork! "See" he says, "your indentation has lifted and your eyes have reduced wrinkles!" Actually I COULD see the difference!! It was a miraculous little peptide, wasn't it!

Being pleased with the fun we were having and our non toxic skin and now my wrinkle-lesser face, we leave our "Dead Sea man" and go on to bigger and better things - things like irons!! Never thought irons and garlic graters and granite cutting boards could be so exciting. But in that room everything was exciting. I obviously don't get out much.....

On occasion we would head to the bathroom and each time to my horror I would look in the mirror to observe the left side of my still a little less "old" than my right. "Can you tell the difference?" I would ask my friend. "No" she would laugh. But I could tell - EVERYTIME! "I'm lop-sided", I would moan and complain. She would laugh. We continued on browsing and doing a little purchasing until the last visit to the bathroom before leaving the show. "OK, I think I need to go back to the booth," I tell my friend, "and ask them when this serum stuff wears off, and if it doesn't, I need them to do the other side because I'M NOT EVEN!!" I'm a little panicky now because the reality of the situation is settling in. What was this stuff anyway??? She laughs again and off we go to redeem my dignity and my face! But by now there are lots of people at this show. The man who helped us earlier is busy with other unsuspecting victims and the lady helping him is not helping. She's sitting down eating her lunch. I interrupt her large mouthful, "Does this serum wear off?" I ask. "O no, it NEVER wears off. It's a part of your DNA!!" She's proud of her statement. I'm horrified. You're kidding me - that's what a peptide is??? It's like a freaky little molecule that imitates your own DNA and infiltrates your skin and BECOMES you!! "Well, I need you to make my face even!!" I insist. She asks if I know how much the serum costs to which I answer no. She volunteers the special price to me - "It's $220 dollars for both bottles. Online it's $300 for each bottle. This is really a good deal!" She's very pleased with herself. "Well, no, I won't be buying any today. Thank you very much." "OK". She gets the two bottles - She started in on my left side like I requested but she doesn't apply the "serum" the way the man did. He was gentle and got really close to the bottom of my eyeball - she wants her lunch - her tactic is rub quick and harsh. And of course doesn't get under the eyeball like he did - I figure I'm still going to be a little uneven, but by now - who cares! She finishes. No mirror for the moocher. If I'm not buying I guess she's going to go back to her lunch. Satisfied with the fact that at least I tried, we leave the show laughing. Mostly my friend is laughing AT me but all in fun.

What an adventure a Home and Garden Show can be. All I can say is - SHOPPERS, BEWARE! You'll never know what might happen when you don't know what you're getting into!