So I started another project. But this time I found something out about myself that I don't think I ever realized before. I am a nerd. I'm sure I'd be happy in a lab coat and goggles, wearing glasses with tape, holding clipboards....you know, the real deal. I really love to research. The only problem is that I love to research more than I love making or doing the very thing I just researched. A lot of people have creativity, grace, style - I seem to only have the ability to look things up.... Well, this ability or whatever you might want to call it - this nerdiness - whatever - has gotten me into a lot of trouble over the years and this new project is no exception.
In order to tell you what this new venture is all about I must give some background information. About 11 years I went holistic. To explain what I mean I will use one of my adorable sisters own words. "Whenever we go to visit her (meaning me) it's like going to 'Little House on the Prairie!'" Isn't she just adorable! Unfortunately, she isn't completely off her rocker. Over the years it is true that I have embarked on some pretty odd and "a la naturel" adventures. For instance, I started raising and milking goats, grinding my own grain for homemade breads and using herbs regularly for health. In my defense, I don't wear a bonnet....Little House wouldn't have had me. But my projects have always been interesting, often amusing and occasionally irritating to my family.
My newest project came out of a pretty nervy and possibly egotistical thought which went something like this. "I can make that!." Although I have changed many habits in my life from diet to health care to you name it, makeup was something I would NOT abandon for the sake of health. There just had to be a way around this little toxicity problem because my barn still needed painting - if you know what I mean. So in an attempt to improve this dilemna, so far as toxin levels go, I tried to find healthy alternatives. I would read labels and research ingredients (my forte) and then try to find something that wasn't outrageously expensive and somewhat safe to use on my face. When my daughters joined the makeup band wagon it became more difficult. But we limped along with a "this is the best I can do mentality". I was challenged last fall on some of the questionable ingredients in my regiment and research got the better of me and I ended up purchasing a truly harmless loose mineral foundation. The company really thought a lot of their three ingredients because the price was outrageous. So now I'll unveil my new project - I looked at the ingredients list and said to myself something like this, "I can figure out how to make this stuff at home! I think I'm going to make my own makeup in my own kitchen!!" Loreal, you have nothing on me!! Did I just lose you? You read it right. I'm attempting to make my own makeup at home!
But here's where my nerdy self takes over - it's time to research. I research and research, am still researching and since I'm such a "go big or go home" kind of girl, I am not only researching this one mineral makeup, but this monster has grown to include eyeshadow, mascara, eyeliner, lotions, creams - you name it, I had something written down on it. It moves to the next step. Ordering. Little jars, Iron Oxides, clay, oils all start arriving....fun, fun, fun. Don't you love packages that come in the mail? Now that I have the fun healthy ingredients in my kitchen I now have to do the part I'm not that good at - working.....But the determination to make this happen takes over and I get started. My first assignment is to duplicate the foundation I had recently discovered. Experiment after experiment. Try after try. Hey, I think I'm getting the hang of this. Mixing colors, mixing ingredients. Trying a different combination. Try it on my face, take it off, try again. Maybe this will work after all. I think I'll wear it out! Feeling a sense of accomplishment, it was time for bigger and better things.
Lotion. I have found a wonderful little recipe on the internet for face cream. I should have clued in from the picture of the woman who formulated the recipe that this might not be a great idea because she was the real deal - berkenstocks, long dress and almost equally as long was her henna-dyed hair. Well, the instructions were so plain and clear I figure there was no way I could mess it up. The procedure begins. I melt the oils - lovely coconut and sunflower oils. I add the water including aloe vera and then in comes the beeswax that I have chopped into little pieces and melted into the oils. The beeswax came from that woman and has quite an odor but I had nothing to compare it to being so new to this world, so I trustingly carry on. I add a few more ingredients and some lavender oil for scent. "This is easy", I conclude. Next comes the blender - mix it up and in the end it actually looks like fluffy icing. Into the containers it goes. Beautiful! I am so proud of my handiwork and figure this is such a no fail deal I'll make millions! Well, that evening I decide to put some of my creamy masterpiece on my face to lubricate it for the night. It's actually quite a heavy face cream not really a lotion at all and kind of greasy but if you have dry skin let me tell you this stuff will oil you up in no time....so on it goes. I enter the living room with my adorned face. All along I have been smelling that woman's beeswax odor coming from the cream. It has quite a strong smell that I've been trying to ignore. Finally I face the facts - it stinks! How could that woman with the hemp, henna get-up sell me stinky beeswax? I enter the living room anyway. My daughter immediately smells the toxicity now permeating the room and my poor husband is completely grossed out. Actually at this point I can't even stand myself! I must wash it off. Off I trudge back to the bathroom to rid myself of the unwanted stench. Daughter and husband are satisfied. I am a little defeated, but over the course of the next couple of days and now weeks I would console myself by using a little humor. My consolation consisted of threatening the kids with my opening the dreaded bottle - they would in turn scream bloody murder at the mere thought. This procedure at least gave me some compensation for my failure.
But then it happened. I had a friend over one evening and wanted to share with her how awful my cream smelled so I chanced it and opened the lid. To my amazement the cream didn't have that terrible smell. It was thicker than "all get out", but it didn't smell. I could grease a pig and you'd never be able to catch it, but it didn't smell. The only smell was the lavender. So after all that researching and nerding around, I do not wear any homemade facial cream, but what I do wear on my face is homemade loose foundation, eyeshadow, liner, blush and even tinted lip balm. Being a nerd isn't all that bad after all.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Adventures at a Home and Garden Show
Last weekend I went with a friend somewhere I've never been before. We went to a Home and Garden Show. Neither of us had ever been to one of these events before and had no idea what to expect. But it sounded fun, the name sounded GREAT and I figured there would be lots of ideas for your Home and Garden.......I know, my mind doesn't go very deep....So off we go.
After arriving we walked for a while with other people who looked fairly normal....family type people - garden type people - whatever that is..... OK, OK, they looked like us!! Normal!!! I figured this will be OK. We purchased our entrance tickets. In hindsight I find it interesting that we had to pay an entrance fee to be given the "opportunity" to spend money..... We really had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. I was actually hoping to see HGTV Network stars....
Upon paying our precious entrance fee we entered the very large stadium. Right in the doorway was a man working on a giant sand sculpture - very cool. Big room, lots of activity - what is this place? Then we saw it - THE VENDORS! Men and women of all shapes and sizes each were attending their own booth of specialized products for either home or garden - things like home owner's insurance, pots and pans, sheets, purses, solar panels, cabinetry, mops and cleaning items. You name it they were trying to sell it!! There were many booths we were totally uninterested in and would get caught in simply because I would make eye contact with the vendor and then get roped in. My friend wasn't making eye contact on purpose, but since she was with me, we both had to go......
We walked down the first aisle to discover a woman who does her own tatting - my friend loves to crochet and knit so she knew what tatting was - I, of course, didn't, but loved the work she did. Kind of like crocheting......kind of. Lovely lady with lovely things. I bought a beautiful tatted shawl - I don't wear shawls, but I hoped my daughters would.....It's still in a pile in their room. But it was worth every penny - the woman was lovely. So on we continued down the huge aisles browsing by each vendor's stand hoping not to get roped in.
Then it happened. We arrived at the booth for the sea salt products from Israel. My unfortunate husband got suckered into one of these booths in the mall one day and I received some sea salt scrub and lotion for my birthday a few years ago. I knew the product. The man selling all the many options of scrubs, etc. asked if he could put a solution on our skin that would get deep into our tissue and clean out layer by layer the toxins right down to our muscles! That's pretty deep, I figured. He started in on my friend. First gel then something else is applied with a Q-tip. He explained that we will see a lot of flaky snow-like stuff coming off our skin which is proof that we are very toxic and need his product. He doesn't say all that but that's what he means.....He rubbed, and rubbed and rubbed....then in shock said, "Wow, you hardly have any!! Most people have so much it looks like it's snowing!" Pleased with my friend, I wanted to see what my skin is like! "Do mine!" I quickly interjected! Same procedure for me - gel, Q-tip, something other cream, more talking, rubbing, rubbing, rubbing.....Finally he says, "You have even less than her!!" I am extremely pleased with myself and my friend - all that healthy eating and herbs have paid off.....We laughed with him about what we do in our spare time to which we joked with him about our sitting around all day and exfoliated our skin.....By this time my ego and my vanity was at an all time high. That's never good. I think he really wanted to make a sale but didn't need his toxin cleaning product so he tried another angle. "Could I put this serum on your face? It's for wrinkles and it's better than Botox because it's made from all natural ingredients and peptides - do you know what a peptide is?" The questions keep firing..... We are a little bewildered with the peptide question but eventually my brain clues in and I answer "yes" - only really knowing that there were such things as peptides but don't ask me what they do! Then he added another statement - "I won't mess up your make-up" Well, if that's the case, put anything on! Put hydrochloric acid on my face, how about fertilizer - no, better yet, put the REAL fertilizer on it - I don't care, just DON'T mess up my make up?? Honestly! What was I thinking!! To answer my own question we must all remember that my ego and vanity were at an all time high - lest we forget, I'm NOT as toxic as others. That's pretty exciting. So I allowed him to proceed. Once again gel - actually a serum - is patted around my left eye and then he goes to the indentation around the left side of my mouth. Gently patting, slowly patting. Feels like forever. After a small eternity he's done! His masterpiece! Out whips the mirror to show me his handiwork! "See" he says, "your indentation has lifted and your eyes have reduced wrinkles!" Actually I COULD see the difference!! It was a miraculous little peptide, wasn't it!
Being pleased with the fun we were having and our non toxic skin and now my wrinkle-lesser face, we leave our "Dead Sea man" and go on to bigger and better things - things like irons!! Never thought irons and garlic graters and granite cutting boards could be so exciting. But in that room everything was exciting. I obviously don't get out much.....
On occasion we would head to the bathroom and each time to my horror I would look in the mirror to observe the left side of my still a little less "old" than my right. "Can you tell the difference?" I would ask my friend. "No" she would laugh. But I could tell - EVERYTIME! "I'm lop-sided", I would moan and complain. She would laugh. We continued on browsing and doing a little purchasing until the last visit to the bathroom before leaving the show. "OK, I think I need to go back to the booth," I tell my friend, "and ask them when this serum stuff wears off, and if it doesn't, I need them to do the other side because I'M NOT EVEN!!" I'm a little panicky now because the reality of the situation is settling in. What was this stuff anyway??? She laughs again and off we go to redeem my dignity and my face! But by now there are lots of people at this show. The man who helped us earlier is busy with other unsuspecting victims and the lady helping him is not helping. She's sitting down eating her lunch. I interrupt her large mouthful, "Does this serum wear off?" I ask. "O no, it NEVER wears off. It's a part of your DNA!!" She's proud of her statement. I'm horrified. You're kidding me - that's what a peptide is??? It's like a freaky little molecule that imitates your own DNA and infiltrates your skin and BECOMES you!! "Well, I need you to make my face even!!" I insist. She asks if I know how much the serum costs to which I answer no. She volunteers the special price to me - "It's $220 dollars for both bottles. Online it's $300 for each bottle. This is really a good deal!" She's very pleased with herself. "Well, no, I won't be buying any today. Thank you very much." "OK". She gets the two bottles - She started in on my left side like I requested but she doesn't apply the "serum" the way the man did. He was gentle and got really close to the bottom of my eyeball - she wants her lunch - her tactic is rub quick and harsh. And of course doesn't get under the eyeball like he did - I figure I'm still going to be a little uneven, but by now - who cares! She finishes. No mirror for the moocher. If I'm not buying I guess she's going to go back to her lunch. Satisfied with the fact that at least I tried, we leave the show laughing. Mostly my friend is laughing AT me but all in fun.
What an adventure a Home and Garden Show can be. All I can say is - SHOPPERS, BEWARE! You'll never know what might happen when you don't know what you're getting into!
After arriving we walked for a while with other people who looked fairly normal....family type people - garden type people - whatever that is..... OK, OK, they looked like us!! Normal!!! I figured this will be OK. We purchased our entrance tickets. In hindsight I find it interesting that we had to pay an entrance fee to be given the "opportunity" to spend money..... We really had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. I was actually hoping to see HGTV Network stars....
Upon paying our precious entrance fee we entered the very large stadium. Right in the doorway was a man working on a giant sand sculpture - very cool. Big room, lots of activity - what is this place? Then we saw it - THE VENDORS! Men and women of all shapes and sizes each were attending their own booth of specialized products for either home or garden - things like home owner's insurance, pots and pans, sheets, purses, solar panels, cabinetry, mops and cleaning items. You name it they were trying to sell it!! There were many booths we were totally uninterested in and would get caught in simply because I would make eye contact with the vendor and then get roped in. My friend wasn't making eye contact on purpose, but since she was with me, we both had to go......
We walked down the first aisle to discover a woman who does her own tatting - my friend loves to crochet and knit so she knew what tatting was - I, of course, didn't, but loved the work she did. Kind of like crocheting......kind of. Lovely lady with lovely things. I bought a beautiful tatted shawl - I don't wear shawls, but I hoped my daughters would.....It's still in a pile in their room. But it was worth every penny - the woman was lovely. So on we continued down the huge aisles browsing by each vendor's stand hoping not to get roped in.
Then it happened. We arrived at the booth for the sea salt products from Israel. My unfortunate husband got suckered into one of these booths in the mall one day and I received some sea salt scrub and lotion for my birthday a few years ago. I knew the product. The man selling all the many options of scrubs, etc. asked if he could put a solution on our skin that would get deep into our tissue and clean out layer by layer the toxins right down to our muscles! That's pretty deep, I figured. He started in on my friend. First gel then something else is applied with a Q-tip. He explained that we will see a lot of flaky snow-like stuff coming off our skin which is proof that we are very toxic and need his product. He doesn't say all that but that's what he means.....He rubbed, and rubbed and rubbed....then in shock said, "Wow, you hardly have any!! Most people have so much it looks like it's snowing!" Pleased with my friend, I wanted to see what my skin is like! "Do mine!" I quickly interjected! Same procedure for me - gel, Q-tip, something other cream, more talking, rubbing, rubbing, rubbing.....Finally he says, "You have even less than her!!" I am extremely pleased with myself and my friend - all that healthy eating and herbs have paid off.....We laughed with him about what we do in our spare time to which we joked with him about our sitting around all day and exfoliated our skin.....By this time my ego and my vanity was at an all time high. That's never good. I think he really wanted to make a sale but didn't need his toxin cleaning product so he tried another angle. "Could I put this serum on your face? It's for wrinkles and it's better than Botox because it's made from all natural ingredients and peptides - do you know what a peptide is?" The questions keep firing..... We are a little bewildered with the peptide question but eventually my brain clues in and I answer "yes" - only really knowing that there were such things as peptides but don't ask me what they do! Then he added another statement - "I won't mess up your make-up" Well, if that's the case, put anything on! Put hydrochloric acid on my face, how about fertilizer - no, better yet, put the REAL fertilizer on it - I don't care, just DON'T mess up my make up?? Honestly! What was I thinking!! To answer my own question we must all remember that my ego and vanity were at an all time high - lest we forget, I'm NOT as toxic as others. That's pretty exciting. So I allowed him to proceed. Once again gel - actually a serum - is patted around my left eye and then he goes to the indentation around the left side of my mouth. Gently patting, slowly patting. Feels like forever. After a small eternity he's done! His masterpiece! Out whips the mirror to show me his handiwork! "See" he says, "your indentation has lifted and your eyes have reduced wrinkles!" Actually I COULD see the difference!! It was a miraculous little peptide, wasn't it!
Being pleased with the fun we were having and our non toxic skin and now my wrinkle-lesser face, we leave our "Dead Sea man" and go on to bigger and better things - things like irons!! Never thought irons and garlic graters and granite cutting boards could be so exciting. But in that room everything was exciting. I obviously don't get out much.....
On occasion we would head to the bathroom and each time to my horror I would look in the mirror to observe the left side of my still a little less "old" than my right. "Can you tell the difference?" I would ask my friend. "No" she would laugh. But I could tell - EVERYTIME! "I'm lop-sided", I would moan and complain. She would laugh. We continued on browsing and doing a little purchasing until the last visit to the bathroom before leaving the show. "OK, I think I need to go back to the booth," I tell my friend, "and ask them when this serum stuff wears off, and if it doesn't, I need them to do the other side because I'M NOT EVEN!!" I'm a little panicky now because the reality of the situation is settling in. What was this stuff anyway??? She laughs again and off we go to redeem my dignity and my face! But by now there are lots of people at this show. The man who helped us earlier is busy with other unsuspecting victims and the lady helping him is not helping. She's sitting down eating her lunch. I interrupt her large mouthful, "Does this serum wear off?" I ask. "O no, it NEVER wears off. It's a part of your DNA!!" She's proud of her statement. I'm horrified. You're kidding me - that's what a peptide is??? It's like a freaky little molecule that imitates your own DNA and infiltrates your skin and BECOMES you!! "Well, I need you to make my face even!!" I insist. She asks if I know how much the serum costs to which I answer no. She volunteers the special price to me - "It's $220 dollars for both bottles. Online it's $300 for each bottle. This is really a good deal!" She's very pleased with herself. "Well, no, I won't be buying any today. Thank you very much." "OK". She gets the two bottles - She started in on my left side like I requested but she doesn't apply the "serum" the way the man did. He was gentle and got really close to the bottom of my eyeball - she wants her lunch - her tactic is rub quick and harsh. And of course doesn't get under the eyeball like he did - I figure I'm still going to be a little uneven, but by now - who cares! She finishes. No mirror for the moocher. If I'm not buying I guess she's going to go back to her lunch. Satisfied with the fact that at least I tried, we leave the show laughing. Mostly my friend is laughing AT me but all in fun.
What an adventure a Home and Garden Show can be. All I can say is - SHOPPERS, BEWARE! You'll never know what might happen when you don't know what you're getting into!
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